Dear,
Am I living in another dimension?
Parting only for such a while,
It already seems eons …
I know, Now, you are near
Somewhere familiar,
With people you love,
Sharing others’ joy…
Thought mistakes were made when I held back,
The passion, the insaneness.
Now, I’m Locked in dark, alone…
Missing a chance to see your face…
Love. About our future, I’ll just wait here till you come. Before that, have faith in me. I’ll spend everything on that promise.
But I never expected the aftermath of battles which I tried so desperately to win.
Before I would give in, I’m already given out… drown in a coding world , I have forgotten too many other things. I almost feel I’m dropped out of reality. Forgotten how to speak languages other than ones spoken by machines, lost track of days come and gone.
But I am holding on. Tiredness became a best friend. It’s there, always there…
They told me, work hard, and you shall receive … so I did…
Months ago, for an unsettled crash and a seemly gone dream, I abandoned what’s planned for me, what’s supposed of me, and what’s expected of me, set out to a world never known to me.
Months of hardness then came like promised. I tried to cope, with loneliness, against prejudice, worked through before day broke, until everything but myself went to rest. People say, they are jealous of my decision, they say they hope they could have such thing to fight for, not rotting in a place isolated from what once was their dream.
But only the writer knows the story… They wont know the pain. I can still feel the bravery driven by desperation, remember the nights I cried alone, and the moments leaning over the edge, craving nothing but fall. But they don’t know.
Months after, however, I am here. Though a different person, the promise I made when we kissed goodbye, it’s still giving me power. And it always will….
i wake up before the sun,
with a hum of words
inside my head
trying to get out
in the darkness,
in the silence
i write
trying to fill the blank pages
of brand-new notebooks
but i can only produce
a mediocre scream,
a whimper
a plea or cry,
a pathetic
and feeble try
at something meaningful
honest
and true.
